littletonoidea | IC Inbox

Woah-!

[Eiffel is not a graceful creature, so most of the effort of not crashing is on Blitzø's part - but he is deceptively fast, when he wants to be, and as the imp turns away he'll quickly find there's a big meaty claw grabbing his tail.]

Blitz? What the hell happened?

[He would usually blow Eiffel off, but the man grabs for his tail and it hurts and he yelps despite himself.]

It's fine! I'm fine, Satan's ass will everyone stop asking me that?!

Sorry-! [And he lets go when Blitz yelps, but he's still hovering, ten inches taller and a hundred percent worried.]

But- dude, seriously, you look like you lost a fight with a meat grinder. It's called being concerned. D'you need a hand, or something?

[Right, right. He needs to get it together. He takes a breath and forces a smile that's more teeth than anything and makes an effort to sound completely fine and in control and not upset at all.]

Yeah, well, you should see the other bitch. It's just fucking demon bullshit, shit gets violent.

Well, does demon bullshit sting a little less with a couple of drinks in you? [He jerks a thumb at the ceiling.] I can let us into the Lounge if you wanna rant about how that asshole had it coming?

[Not that he's going to drink himself. Or even that he thinks Blitz is anything but the instigator, but hey - gotta give him a chance to explain himself.]

Why? [He's still raw from Malcolm's too-accurate jabs at old wounds, and a lot of the usual bravado is disintegrating.]

Listen, I know I'm a piece of shit even by demon standards, you don't have to fucking pretend to be anything other than pleased that I got stabbed to shit, ok? It's just a temporary pairing anyway, so just look the other way and pretend you didn't see shit.

[Eiffel just makes a face at him.]

You know why we're an awful pairing? 'cos I've got a strict "do no harm" policy, and you're a CEO for hired killers. That's like water and a tire fire. But at the end of the day, when the pairing's over? We're both still here. [He sticks his hands in his pockets.] So I'd like to at least say that I spent it treating you like a goddamn person and trying to be your buddy when your day was fucking awful.

Riiiight so it's just about making sure you look good for the Admiral or whoever asks so I can be all--

[He clasps his hands together and bats his eyes.]

Golly fucking gee, Warden Eiffel sure was the best guy ever! I bet he'd just make the best warden on the entire boat!

[He drops the pose and waves Eiffel off with his good hand.]

Right, fine. I'll lie about how much you cared and how supportive you were and how much you made me see the light and all that shit if that makes you feel like a big fucking hero. Just spare me the fake fucking concern.

Can't fake it if it's real, Two-face. [Despite the cheap insults. That's basically a love language!] So do you want the free access to unlimited booze to lick your booboos with or what?

[Blitzø growls in frustration, dragging a hand down his face.]

You know what, fine. Maybe then you'll come to your senses.

[Phase one of Operation: Annoy His Way Into Your Heart complete!

Eiffel nods his head back towards the elevator and presses the button.]

So what's your poison, hotshot?

The Jesus wannabe made me some shit with coffee and something strong, but anything that gets me hammered as fast as possible is fine.

[He trudges after Eiffel, shoving his hands in his coat and suppressing a wince as he automatically swishes his tail through the air.]

Alright - sounds like an espresso martini, chase that with a rum and coke and finish the night with some shots?

[He raises an eyebrow at Blitz - a question, not mocking him.]

[Despite the general annoyance he's feeling and the dull ache in his shoulder and tail, he does look slightly more interested in the offer.]

Only cause you're offering and it's free.

Sure thing.

[You keep telling yourself that, buddy.

The elevator dings, and Eiffel leads the way to the Lounge.]

You go grab us some seats, I'll bring the drinks over? Give your, uh. [He glances down, and gestures to Blitzø's everything.] Your whole ass a bit of a break.

[He shoots Eiffel a suspicious look because he still doesn't quite trust many wardens, but picks a relatively low to the ground booth to pull himself up in, carefully curling his tail on the seat.

He waits until Eiffel returns, stifling a yawn.]

Satan's ass crack I need this.

[And Eiffel returns in reasonably short order, chatting briefly with the hot Maori guy manning the bar that afternoon, with four drinks balanced with surprising skill in hand: one each an espresso martini and a rum and coke.

(Or, in Eiffel's case, an espresso in a fancy glass and a highball of coke and lime.)]

Well, it's not every day it's all out demon warfare on the Barge. Which is probably for the best, y'know.

[And he slides the alcoholic drinks to Blitzø.]

How lucky are we that you guys didn't take half the ship with you?

[He looks confused by the question but then it clicks that Eiffel wouldn't know anything about the Hell Blitzø calls home.]

Nah, I don't have any powers or shit. Imps like me are a bit stronger than humans and we can take a lot of fucking pain, but that's about it. You're thinking higher ranking demons. Fucking overlords, goetian royalty, and original sins and shit, they'll fuck you up.

Oh. So imps are like- the Joe Schmoes of the Necronomicon or something.

[Somehow that makes him weirdly way more relatable.]

Do all of them go topside, or just you when you're off going full Michael Bay for money?

The what of the what? Look, you say weird shit a lot and I don't usually give a fuck but I feel like I should be insulted by that, so I just wanna know how much.

[He hooks the first drink towards himself and chugs half of it.]

Hah! Fuck no, me and my team have special access you could say. Being able to go topside is limited, otherwise all kinds of sinners would be just running around up there killing people. You'd probably all go extinct.

No, it's usually those succu-sluts from Lust that get to go up and seduce humans, maybe a handful of others doing shit like moving drugs.

[He picks up his own drink and goes straight for it. What can he say, he likes coffee.]

Lust? Like the seven sins are residential districts down there? And- how come you've got a special permit? Do people really get that hard watching you go screw up someone's day?

More like layers? [He drags a claw against the surface of the table to illustrate.] Pride, Wrath, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Envy, Sloth. They've got the original sins in charge of them, but humans who die and become sinners are stuck in Pride.

[He takes another swig of his drink with a laugh.]

You kidding? Sinners fucking love ruining the lives of the assholes they left behind. Guess they already figure they can't get any more damned, so why pretend to be nice? May as well get revenge on that asshole from 3rd grade who broke your video game.

[He leans forward on an elbow, sipping as Blitz explains. Sue him, it's actually pretty interesting.]

So imps, demons, all that jazz - completely unrelated to humans. Except for when you're like. You know. Having relations.

...wait, so do you live in Pride too?

I mean, sinners are dead humans. The rest of us were born there. Or I guess, the deadly sins have been around since the beginning.

I live in Pride yeah, it's cheaper to rent in Imp City plus all my fucking clients are sinners. Gotta make sure they can actually get to me.

I mean I could live in Wrath but that's all fucking farms and shit. I'm not a hillbilly chucklefuck.

Okay, so Wrath is like- Texas. Or Kansas. Huh. So, the deeper you get, the more powerful shit gets? [He frowns, good-natured curiosity.] D'you guys have to go through Customs and shit too to get between layers?

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