[ elias wouldn't say he was one for lying to himself -- but he hasn't spent all that much time dwelling on his final moments. he's pieced together enough to know that Martin wasn't there and Jon hasn't experienced it.

So why think about the worst moment of his life? why relive hearing that fear in his voice? the way he had begged? how he had utterly failed to predict what the Archivist would do, or how the state of affairs was unsustainable, or even his own fear at --

his failure mocks him, as all his failures on the barge mock him. flawed. unacceptable. worth nothing but scorn and contempt

which this idiot was now aware of.

he tries to stand, ends up resting all his weight on the railing ]

I think-- I believe -- that's. enough for one day.