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[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

Action | Text | Voice | Video

Comments

[betacuck]

Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you Mr. Eiffel, this is Roman Roy, Kendall Roy's brother, I have something extremely urgent to talk to you about regarding your inmate/warden pairing.

[littletonoidea]

Oh-- God, okay, uh.

[shit shit shit he has to be a responsible adult when did this happen]

You don't need to call me Mister, first of all, just Eiffel's peachy. So, uh, what can I do you for, Roman?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ elias choked on his drink when he saw the announcement from the admiral.

he makes sure he's composed when he messages eiffel after his kitchen lunch shift. it's fine ]

Well. It seems fate has thrown us together, Communications Officer Eiffel.

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel had very nearly needed a drink after seeing that. This was going to be... fun, right?]

Don't worry Mr. Bouchard, we'll have you renouncing your sins and preaching the good word of No More Being An Evil Bastard in no time, right?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ the nice thing about a video is that the other person can't smell the drink you've just had ]

I must apologise for leaving so suddenly yesterday. I forget how much using that power drains me here.

[littletonoidea]

[Shit he'd already forgotten about the daily check-ins.]

Eli, hey! Nawww, don't even worry about it! What's another nightmare between friends, right? It's totally Gucci. Glad to hear your batteries are charging back up!

hi it's me again you will never be rid of me

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ so it turns out that perhaps elias ought to have stayed in the infirmary.

but no, he went to work, did lunch shift-- and got his nose broken because the barge is currently overrun by his former employees.

for now he's found a quiet spot up on deck and it holding a handkerchief to his nose. his suit jacket (spattered with blood) is off so that he's at least less obviously injured and he really, really is trying hard not to wish them all harm because that still hurts him.

until he spots his warden. Wonderful. ]

Eiffel. Having a pleasant day?

[ just ignore the handkerchief to his nose, thanks. ]

Not after the 15th I bloody well won't and it's beautiful

[littletonoidea]

[As is typical for Eiffel, he is talking. Though there's no immediate indication as to who, he is wearing his headset, and speaking with a distinctly more intense sense of agitation; but when he spots Elias it takes him a moment to actually realise, and he does a very visible double-take.]

...I'll- I'll call you back, captain.

[Then he pulls his headset off to rest around his neck as he approaches. Admittedly, with some visible trepidation, but he still does it.]

Heyyyyy, Elias - are you, uh. Well. Okay is the wrong end of the spectrum, I'm guessing- but like. Are you... okay?

after the announcement

[epistemological]

...we should probably talk a bit more seriously.

Congratulations. And I do mean that unsarcastically.

[littletonoidea]

[The reply Jon gets is a long groan, clearly coming from Eiffel's face between his hands and a few hitches that could be sobs or just wretched laughs.]

Ohhhh, God, Jon, I dunno if I can do this. Elias haaaates me with all the passion of a red dwarf. He doesn't even want me talking to you about half the shit he brings up!

[brushoff]

[ There's the tell-tale sign of a party horn being blown. ]

Mazel tov, Dig Dug. You know Elias finds you intensely irritating, right?

[littletonoidea]

Breaking news, stop the presses! Rich white man who clubbed local radio host over the head with classic literature thinks he's annoying! A breakthrough for the ages! Thank you for this mind-blowing bulletin, Dorianderson Cooper.

right after the flood

[lone_horse]

I'd like to talk to you about our inmates. I'm in the counseling office most of the time, but I'm happy to meet you elsewhere.

My name is Kazuma Kiryu. I'm sorry that this is our introduction.

[littletonoidea]

Hey, uh- Doug Eiffel, but- I'm guessing since you're here re: Elias and... whoooooever your babysitting assignment is, but you... probably already knew that.

[Now he's just nervous because why is this his life who made him responsible he wants a refund]

Your office is fine I'll see you there what floor is it on again?

[In the engine room]

[deuceoftears]

Xigbar isn't around, and Eiffel is gaining on him in air hockey when Jedao drops, "If I wanted to let Elias use his powers on me, once, how bad an idea would that be?"

[littletonoidea]

Air hockey with Jedao takes all of Eiffel's not-inconsiderably-difficult-to-steer focus, so when Jedao drops that particular morsel it takes Eiffel a second to blink, and he looks up sharply.

"Wait, what?" The puck shoots straight into the goal between his hands and he barely registers it. "Why?"

[tarakan]

[ after Petronilla's clusterfuck of a pregnancy announcement, Hilbert mulls things over before just messaging Eiffel directly, ]

You know, if Petronilla does have child and child survives through childbirth, it would be easy enough to perform a paternity test.

[littletonoidea]

[...he has. No idea how to take that.]

Awfully long time for you to wait for a convenient spit sample from me. But hey, what's nine months when God's Plan Plus is your life's work?

[talesuntold]

There's a knock on Eiffel's door.

"I brought coffee, cookies, and commiseration if you want any of the above!"

[littletonoidea]

The knock might have startled Eiffel, because Maggie will definitely hear a short yip of surprise.

"Uh- don't come in yet! Not unless you want your coffee in a sippy cup!"

His voice gets louder - not just volume, but proximity, and there's a loud kachunk from a lever on the other side of the door and a few random thuds, before the big ol' spoked doorhandle thing spins quickly and the door gets pulled open with a heavy creak.

Eiffel is standing, rather than floating because gravity has been literally restored, and gives her a tired grin at the sight of the treats.

"You know, at this point I'm pretty sure Maggie just means 'angel'," he says, full sincerity and no flirt, as he moves to take the supplies out of her hands. "You're incredible."

[colorofthesky]

Hi.

I am apparently Kyoko’s Warden now.

We should talk.

[littletonoidea]

Zack, right?

[He doesn't sound surprised, or offended at the audacity. He just sounds resigned. And kind of congested.]

Like- right now, or in person? I was kinda in the middle of something...

[But his tone fully suggests he's expecting to need to drop it right now.]

as of the communicator messages

[questionsonly]

[ He doesn't even message. Kepler needs to get a consultation and he needs one right now, so he's headed to wherever he knows to find Eiffel. For all that he can be a fucking idiot, he's still the only proper comms officer on the ship. And this is important. ]

Looking for a bit of guidance from a man of your talents, Eiffel. Got a moment for me?

[littletonoidea]

On deck is always a safe guarantee, with the rate the comms officer burns through cigarettes. He's got one in-mouth at the moment as he sits curled on a deck chair, headphones on and working with an atypical, acute focus on his comms tablet.

He almost doesn't notice Kepler until the man is almost upon him; and when he does, his response is to jump, violently and to his feet, salute as he stammers out "Kep-- Colonel, hey, how's- y'know, things!" realise the salute looks stupid and tries to pretend that motion was to push his headset back down around his neck, as he tries to go for a more casual pose. "Wh-what can I do you for?"

[voice, while going through Blackalley]

[reformedsinner]

We might want to pause any self-defense classes until the lights come back on.

[with the impound messages starting to fade, he's actually feeling better about that prospect! More or less.]

[littletonoidea]

What, you don't think I could learn to be a secret shadow ninja like you guys?

[It's nice, admittedly, having Gonou just be normal with him after everything.]

You don't know me, maybe I could kick ass!

Some Hours after Gonou leaves the infirmary

[deuceoftears]

[whispered]

Hey, are you awake?

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel's voice is a bit louder, but very much still a half-asleep mumble.]

...mn. W'sup, J.D.?

After finding Daniel

[epistemological]

[ Jon can sound like he has a stick up his ass sometimes. Right now, however, it sounds more like he's pulled the stick out and is aiming it at someone's head. ]

You're John's warden this month, yes?

[littletonoidea]

John the little guy, right? Yeah, that's yours truly. What's up?

audio;

[betacuck]

So when you take off your helmet in space do you turn into ice like that kid from the magical schoolbus? Or does your brain explode Scanners style.

[littletonoidea]

[Unexpected, but he can roll with it.]

Well first of all, you're already pressurised from the airlock, so you're already like, fully out of the Scanners protocol.

I actually asked Hilbert once, he said all the air gets sucked out of your lungs - so you know how when you grab a cup and put it underwater upside down so there's an air bubble? So when you turn it right way up all the air goes out and the water comes in? Imagine that but the cup is your lungs and the water is space.

sometime on the 25th

[epistemological]

Jon makes his way, not too early, to a certain cabin and knocks on the door. In one hand, he has a long, thin wrapped gift with a secondary gift, much smaller, stuck on top.

[littletonoidea]

There's the heavy clunk of a switch being pulled, so when Eiffel opens the door (successfully dressed, thankfully) he's on ground level. And as soon as he lays eyes on the gift, his amiable expression crinkles uncomfortably.

"Uhhh... I hope I didn't give the wrong impression with the whole Halloween Hex-travaganza thing?" he says, his tone turning a little higher than usual with the awkward keen. "But I don't really do. Christmas."

morning on the 21st

[reformedsinner]

I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel is, of course, immediately turning on audio.]

Oh man you're okay!! How are you going? You were all sorts of feral back there, you feeling okay?

voice, sent on the 25th.

[tarakan]

Proposition. You turn Enclosure into Hephaestus, both of us go there and spend the next few hours ignoring each other and rest of ship.

[ the holidays are stupid and his ex-warden is stupid and he wants to work. ]

[littletonoidea]

Uhhhh. Counter-proposal? The last time we left you unsupervised on Christmas you locked the Commander in deep space, broke Hera's brain, and almost gassed me out to turn into your personal lab rat. Not like I wasn't before, but this time you'd probably like, tie me down and gag me.

on Dec 25th

[epistemological]

...Eiffel, there seems to be a birthday party going on in my flat. I don't suppose you'd accept my invitation even though I certainly didn't plan it?

[littletonoidea]

Well isn't that awfully convenient?

[His tone is teasing, mind you, amused at the fact Jon's somehow gotten a birthday party out of all of this.]

Yeah, sure, if you're down to clown with me. I'll be over in two shakes!

[epistemological]

Jon would love to just turn into a lump in his room, but he does still need to run. That's why he's up on the deck, getting out some of his energy. When he spots Eiffel smoking to one side, he'll trot over and bounce a couple of times in harmless greeting.

[littletonoidea]

Well, the bouncing ball of fur definitely gets his attention, and he leans his arm away to keep the cigarette away from the wolf.

"Hey, Iris," he says cheerfully, reaching down to scruffle between the doggo's ears. "Is little Timmy stuck in a well?"

text

[cactusy]

We need to talk.

Re: text

[littletonoidea]

Whatever it is I didn't do it. I plead the fifth.

[shortly after the 'Eiffel' post]

[reformedsinner]

... is everything all right?

[Because he hadn't sounded like himself, but sudden public self-deprecation could be like him, if something particularly bad had happened. So.]

[littletonoidea]

...is there a reason it shouldn't be? What, did Jedao say something?

[Which is, he's a second too late to realise is probably exactly the wrong thing to say but that's a far more normal kind of dumbassery to fall from his mouth.]

text; post mind control vamp attack

[cactusy]

i'm sorry

[Which is not even a little bit enough, even for something that she hadn't had a say in doing, but. If there are words that are enough, she certainly doesn't know them.]

Re: text; post mind control vamp attack

[littletonoidea]

I'll take "words I didn't know Shaw knew" for four hundred points, Alex.

text

[empathicfault]

Hi. So I just got stitched up by a Dr. Hilbert in the Infirmary. What are my chances of having some sort of supervirus now?

[ He may have checked out Hilbert's Inmate Ledger while he had the chance. He's a bit concerned. ]

[littletonoidea]

On a scale of "ra ra Rasputin" to "ran into my knife ten times", how close to dying were you to begin with?