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[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

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Comments

[littletonoidea]

Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure using people's brains to extend your WiFi isn't exactly something that's gonna get you in the Hall of Heroes, Eli, so there's really only one way you can dig here.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Why? There's nothing inherently amoral about seeing someone's memory first hand, or seeing what they see-- when they wish you to.

[ a lot of wardens have powers. he doesn't see why he should have to give his up entirely. ]

[littletonoidea]

Okay, so- there is this thing we normal run-of-the-mill plebs have, I dunno if you've heard of it? It's called privacy? And typically we like it respected.

So, what's your room number? This is starting to feel like a chat we should have man-to-man!

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I do believe I said that my ability to do this only worked with a person's explicit and informed consent.

[ everyone always misses that part ]

But why not meet on deck? I'm here already, taking in the fresh air.

[littletonoidea]

Yeah, but it's still weird and creepy that you're a human spycam with Bluetooth.

[He's just calling it how he sees it.]

But yeah, sure, on-deck's fine too. Meet you at the pointy end.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

At the bow, yes.

[ his smile is serene and he is not gritting his teeth.

But he is there, smoking at the bow when Eiffel arrives ]

[littletonoidea]

[It only takes a minute, given how his room's on level one, so when he comes up he's just carrying on the conversation they started before.]

Look, I get it? I do appreciate that you used to be all rich and powerful, or whatever, you were like, BFFFFs forever with ol' Liz or something, probably. But I'm not gonna bow.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ the nonsense makes sense, because of course it does, and Elias finds that he loathes it even more in person

he blows out a stream of smoke, wishing he some whiskey on him ]

The bow of the ship is the correct term for the pointy end, as you so creatively put it.

[littletonoidea]

Ohhhhh.

[That sounds like a genuine noise of realisation.]

That's the fun part about working with spaceships instead of real boats, I guess. Nothing's pointy, 'cos if it is and it breaks something, you're as good as dead. Sometimes you're even actually dead!

[He's pulling out his own packet as he speaks with grim cheer.]

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

How nice.

[ if only, he thinks to himself ]

But let's not get sidetracked. You haven't been a warden all that long, have you?

[littletonoidea]

Nope. Just two months of the daily grind. You'll be my lucky number two, so! Let's get that bread, huh?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

Let's.

[ he could throw him overboard and no one would know. that's an option. ]

I've had wardens who wanted to check in daily, and others who were happy with the occasional catch-up. Do you have a preference?

[littletonoidea]

[He could and Eiffel would barely fight him on it.]

I mean, sure, we could totally do daily sitreps, get the 4-11 on where you wanna be, how many people you're screwing over with your weird camera powers. Stuff like that!

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ can his polite smile get any more frozen in place ]

To bring you up to speed, there aren't any people I'm Watching, though there's one I wouldn't mind seeing in trouble.

[littletonoidea]

[He puts his mostly-empty packet to his face, catching one of the cigarettes in his teeth and pocketing the box in the same motion so he can pull out a lighter, and talks with the stick in his mouth.]

You know, I'm pretty sure you're legally obligated to tell me if you're gonna ruin someone's day. We'll need to start writing up the insurance claims now, they don't exactly keep the paperwork for 'spooky bullshit' on hand at the DMV.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I wouldn't worry if I were you. After a few rounds of inmates murdering each other in retaliation and everything will calm down for a few months.

[littletonoidea]

Yeah, I'm not exactly okay with everyone hopping on the train to Busan, for the record. Murder's so passay.

[He takes a long drag on his cigarette before he continues.]

But what was it you were saying before? You were gonna banish everyone to the Shadow Realm or something? Does that mean you're super pro-murder?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ Elias barely keeps his eye from twitching. ]

Let's say that I'm against anyone murdering me.

[littletonoidea]

I mean- [and he scoffs loudly.] Sure, no-one's watching Steve Orth and going 'I'll have what he's having'. But does that really answer my question?

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

The world from which I have come had, among it's other peculiarities, a series of beings which fed on fear which could manipulate and influence our world, but not actually enter it.

On realising that it would be possible for someone to someday bring them into our world, I decided to ensure it would be me who gave them the key, and thus ensure that I would not, in the nightmare world which ensued, be subject to the whims of anyone else.

[ he doesn't pause long enough to allow Eiffel to comment yet. ]

And the reference you're looking for, to describe this situation, is from Milton. "Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven."

[littletonoidea]

[Good job cutting him off early, Elias, because Eiffel was absolutely about to open his mouth to speak.

The quote makes him actually pause, though, and take a moment to actually try and think about what Elias is saying.

It's all a bit... much. More believable than it would have been this time last year when he was pre-hearing his own voice come from a radio because ALIENS and pre-space jail prison ship redux, but there's something that sticks out there.]

That... dooooeeesn't really sound like you're doing much reigning there, Eli. Kinda sounds more like Norman the doorman.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

[ if death were permanent here, Elias would just step forward, press his new warden against the railing and throw him over the side. envisions it while he pauses, his eyes so hard and smile so brittle now that even eiffel can probably tell that the comment has hit a very sore spot ]

No. Here I am. Changing my ways. Turning over a new leaf.

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel is in fact pretty good at knowing when he'd toeing a line. He just chooses to ignore the warning signs.]

Okay, but what I'm hearing is, on last week's episode of The Bouch-elor, you gave Chuck [why does the Eye insist that name in fact means Cthulhu] a smooch behind the bleachers, but you didn't get the rose. [There's a moment's pause as he takes another drag.] And then you got merked.

[extendedbrutalpipemurder]

I don't believe I said anything about how I came to be here. But I can share the details, if you like. In the interest of full disclosure.

[littletonoidea]

I, uhh--

[Is this a bad idea? Almost definitely. This is giving Elias permission and that means something bad is probably going to happen isn't it.]

Y...eeeees? Um- okay, sure. Hit me?