littletonoidea | IC Inbox

[Eiffel will readily attest that zero gravity does not lessen the severity of most situations.

But also he doesn't wanna do this he doesn’t wanna do this he doesn't wanna do thiiiiiiiis--

Gonou might catch the solid kachunk of the gravity lever even from down the hall; Eiffel's left his door ajar for him.]

[His ears aren't quite as good with his limiters on, but he does hear the lever moving. Carefully, he pushed the door open, and steps in, already looking for Eiffel even as he pulls the heavy door shut behind him.

He looks serious - a little worried, even - but not angry, and as he meets Eiffel's gaze he breaks into a small, wry smile.]

Ah - hello. Did Jedao manage to find you again?

Eiffel smokes in his room, obviously, but the scent seems a bit stronger in the air today, and he's lighting up a fresh one as Gonou walks in, and he waves with the lighter and a weak smile.

"Heyyyy, uh." God, even the memory of it makes his naturally pale face turn an immediate pink. "You could- yeah, you could say that!"

It's his practically signature 'Two Octaves Higher Because Being Squeaky Sounds Totally Casual Right' tone, as he takes a rough drag to steady himself.

"Um." He opens his mouth, makes a few disjointed squeaks, and puts the cigarette back in there instead. "So. He kissed me?"

"Oh. Good," Gonou says, pausing as he blinks: that is good, even if the reek of cigarettes in this room makes him suspect Eiffel isn't fully adjusted to it.

"Why are you so nervous?" he adds, with a hint of humor.

And that gets an awkward laugh.

"I, uh."

And he pauses for a moment, visibly and actually considering the question.

"I'm... not sure?"

"That's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you."

He considers Eiffel for a moment, considers the room, and sits down on the nearest available seat, crossing his legs and folding his hands on his knee.

"... first, because I don't want you to be nervous about my reaction. I like you, I trust Jedao, and he and I have talked about it."

"Yeah, uh. Yeah, Jedao made that part pretty clear, don't worry."

And that thought sets off a new flush of red across his cheeks, before he sighs out his latest drag.

"I don't know, I've just... it's not like I've had a lot of luck with having any kind of relationship before, y'know? And Jedao's... I mean he's great, don't get me wrong-" it's a quick backpedal, but it's sincere "-and I'm not like, mad or anything, I just..." He shrugs, awkward and overly-muchly. "I don't know? I dunno what I'm doing or what I'm supposed to do, and you two are already a thing so am I just out here being your guys side piece or something?"

"I think it's more 'friend with benefits,' really," Gonou is unable to resist saying, one hand on his chin in mock-serious thought.

He lets his hand fall back to his knee a moment later, though, his voice falling into a quieter, more sincere register.

"--what do you want, Eiffel?"

Because that, in the end, is the question. Gonou's still a little annoyed over the mixed signals he's giving Jedao, but he doesn't think they're deliberate. They do seem to reflect a certain degree of Eiffel's own confusion.

That makes Eiffel pause, and frown slightly. Still pink, but more thoughtful now.

"Yeesh. Been a while since someone asked it like that." Like 'how can I help' instead of 'what do you want you useless waste of time and oxygen'.

Though when he takes a moment to actually think about it, the answer makes itself pretty apparent.

"I don't wanna hurt Jedao. Or you, 'cos I went and failed step one anyway. I don't wanna be, like- a bad boyfriend?"

"Ah-- that's the problem, I think," Gonou murmurs. "You see, Jedao worries about being tolerated. I have to convince him that I'm not saying something is all right simply because I don't want to hurt him with a no. Although," he adds editorially, "that's his own fault for being so thoughtful that he's never seen me get stubborn.

"But he's going to keep being hurt if he wants intimacy and all you want is not to hurt us. Please try again. Oh - this time you're not allowed to say 'don't want.'"

A puff of smoke comes out his nose as he snorts.

"Okay, wise guy." He flops onto the couch next to Gonou. "I want a beer." Start stupid, it's easier. "I want to... to keep being friends with you guys if I screw this up, like I always do. I..."

His face goes a hearty red again. "I, uh. I liked it when he kissed me." It comes out as a hasty murmur, but he's bashful, not upset.

"But I don't--" and he cuts himself off with a brief, annoyed hum. He can play by the rules when he wants to. "I want - I want Jedao to..." ugh why was this so hard. "I want him to... he needs to know that I'm not good for people, not like that."

Gonou gives him a quick little flicker of a smile, uncrossing his legs so he can gently lean one against Eiffel's.

"He is a very good kisser," he agrees with a spark of mischief. "But... Eiffel, you are a good friend. Unless you're spectacularly terrible in bed, what more do you think he's expecting from you, that would make you bad for him this way?

"Have you asked him what he wants?"

"Good friend, I'll take your word for it." But hey, he's not shutting it down outright. Improvement! "Good boyfriend--"

And he blows a loud raspberry.

"I've got the permanent record to show for it if he wants hard evidence."

He lifts his hand, holding his cigarette in his mouth so he can rub his neck.

"But, uh. I haven't, yet. Kinda got distracted by the whole kiss the girl moment."

"You should," Gonou observes. "Because I don't think he wants you to change the way you treat him, except by adding sex.

"And maybe getting him flowers. He likes flowers."

He leans back against the couch cushions, watching Eiffel with sharp interest.

"But when you panic and run away from him over what he sees as just asking if it's okay to add sex, it does make it look as if you don't want him but you're too chickenshit to say no." He delivers the uncharacteristic profanity in the exact same pleasant, level tone as the rest of the sentence: he's not angry with Eiffel, exactly. But it had hurt Jedao, and he sees no reason not to be clear and direct about that.

"So you should ask him what he wants, in words, and tell him if there's anything he wants that you don't want. In words."

The Uncharacteristic Profanity makes Eiffel blink and rear back a little in surprise. Gonou isn't supposed to swear!!

"You can't tell me that Jedao's not incredibly upfront about when he's got his tracter beam locked on something," he comments dryly. "But- God, I dunno. I've... never had sex with a guy before?"

And it feels weird admitting it to Gonou, who has probably had plenty of mano ay mano action in the sack with Jedao and definitely thinks he's being ridiculous. "Which is- I mean, I dunno about your world," he caveats wryly, "But in mine it's kind of a big deal to even tell people you like guys. Especially where I live. Forget about doing the do unless you were really goddamn confident you weren't gonna get disowned or stoned in the town square. Or worse."

"I don't know how well Jedao will understand that," Gonou admits. "I don't think his world has any sexual taboos that aren't about consent. But, ah... yes, my home is the same, that way.

"But I decided a long time ago that it wasn't worth it to deny myself happiness to be accepted by strangers." His voice is soft; his gaze drifts down to his hands and stays there, distant as he gazes into the past. "Not being accepted can bring difficulties of its own, of course. But hiding everything -- also does not make you safe."

"Oh, well, I stopped worrying about being accepted by strangers a long time ago. Some time in high school, probably." After a certain point you just. Stop trying to make friends, it's just easier. "I'm worried about whoever I'm with getting hurt 'cos of me. Which, like- I know that's not a problem here, everyone is weirdly accepting about all the rainbow crap we've got going on."

Certainly because there's bigger issues than whether you're gay or not, but also hey - he used we there. Progress?

He pauses, and huffs a short burst of smoke out his nose. "I think I'm just really getting up in my own head about it, huh."

"Maybe a little," Gonou agrees gently, glancing up at Eiffel with a quick smile. "But also-- I don't think you need to worry that Jedao will be hurt. He can almost beat me in a fight with my limiters off."

And it might have been more than almost if he hadn't been trying not to go for the kill -- but there's no need to bring down the mood like that. Instead, still gentle, he adds, "You're much more likely to hurt him by trying to keep him at a distance than by getting too close."

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i lost this tag gomen!!

no worries! I'm very slow rn

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Re: no worries! I'm very slow rn

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