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[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

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Comments

[littletonoidea]

[Oh don't worry, Eiffel is inordinately pleased, and he giggles like a fucking toddler at the sight.]

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all night.

[He finally picks up his coke no rum, and gestures idly with it.]

You know, there's plenty of asshole wardens, or lethal murder-happy wardens. That's not a prerequisite to graduating. It's mostly just- you know, pick your time and place for 'em. Pick better battles, put some back, that sort of thing.

[helluvamess]

[He perks up a bit.]

Think I can get paired with one of those? One who might give me a fucking gun or some shit? Cause I'm a big fan of getting some battles...

[littletonoidea]

[There's still a casual grin on his face, as he relaxes again.]

You know, I think a warden who's used to trigger-happy bastards like you is gonna be more hesitant to give you heavy munitions. Just 'cos they know the real damage they can do.

[He waves his drink to indicate all of Blitz.] Besides, Mr Smith, you could probably kill someone with a toothpick. That's your job.

[helluvamess]

Yeah but it's a lot harder to kill someone with a toothpick while they're busy stabbing you.

[He rubs his bandaged shoulder.] Not like there were any toothpicks around anyway.

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel frowns, and he looks genuinely concerned.]

You're talking this much game and you're not even armed? You sure you're not asking for it?

[And somehow he makes that sound like less of an insult and more of a genuine worry.]

[helluvamess]

[He just blinks wide, yellow eyes at Eiffel for a moment.]

No shit I'm asking for it, have you even met me? I'm an asshole on purpose to everyone, it's who I am.

[littletonoidea]

[He tilts his head and waggles one hand in a kinda-sorta motion.]

Look, take it from a guy who's been through the gamut of assholes - I'm a goddamn connoisseur. There's being an asshole, and there's being an asshole specifically inviting people to beat the shit out of you. Believe it or not, those are two different things.

[helluvamess]

Pfft yeah, one of them is more fun.

[He grins at Eiffel, though it's less amused and more sharp teeth and bad intentions.]

Next time I'll have a knife, don't fucking worry about it.

[littletonoidea]

[Eiffel stares at Blitz with a flat face.

And then he picks up one of his safe shots, downs it, and throws the empty glass at Blitz's stabbed shoulder. Just hard enough to bounce and make a point.]

[helluvamess]

OW! What the fuck was that for?!

[littletonoidea]

Getting stabbed isn't fun, asshole! You can still be an asshole and not a goddamn pincushion at the same time!

[helluvamess]

[Blitzø rolls his eyes and downs the last of his drink.]

You think I don't know that? Listen...

[Maybe it's the alcohol, but he gestures at himself.]

Imps are mostly red, you know. The white is scarring. All of it. And there's way more than just the face and hands, ok. So yeah, I know shit hurts, but it's also fucking life where I'm from. You just roll with the fucking damage.