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[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

Action | Text | Voice | Video

Comments

[cactusy]

Do you have one here?

[littletonoidea]

Hell no.

[cactusy]

You should.

Just for emergencies.

[littletonoidea]

Maybe when Wolf 359 freezes over.

[cactusy]

[In the most annoyed voice:]

Eiffel...

[littletonoidea]

Nope.

[It's not actually often that Eiffel genuinely puts his foot down on something, but his tone is steel.]

[cactusy]

Why not.

[littletonoidea]

I don't like hurting people, I don't want to hurt people, and I don't need a gun to make someone's life an unmitigated disaster.

[cactusy]

I'm not talking about hurting people for the fun of it or ruining anybody's life.

I'm helping Neal learn how to defend himself.

[littletonoidea]

[There's a distinct pause.

And then, wildly exasperated]

Why the hell would you phrase it like that?!

[cactusy]

Phrase it like what?

[littletonoidea]

Like the only reason you want me to have a gun is so I can go full Mars Attacks on you?!

[cactusy]

What the hell is--

I want you to carry a gun so you can keep yourself from dying again; that'd be pretty cool.

[littletonoidea]

Jesus Christ, babe--

I'd be totally fine helping Neal learn proper gun safety. I'm not cool with packing heat.

[cactusy]

Okay, wait.

Do you think I'm only bringing it up because I want you to help me train Neal? Is that what you think I meant?

[littletonoidea]

I'm not even gonna pretend I know what you want from me at this point.

[cactusy]

I meant it like, I'm training Neal, so that's him taken care of. But how am I gonna keep you safe.

[littletonoidea]

...I'm not a toddler, Shaw. [And he sounds genuinely kind of offended, under the bafflement.] It's not like I'm going around sticking forks in power points. You don't need to protect me.

[cactusy]

If you were a toddler, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

I don't know if I really have a team here. But if I do, you're on it. And I protect my team.

[littletonoidea]

[Oh, that's-

Hold on, he needs a second.]

...thanks, Shaw. [And he actually sounds a little bit touched.] Look, you know I don't go diving headfirst into quicksand. But you gotta be careful if you're gonna start picking on people who're threatening me. 'cos you're gonna get a lot of folks on your bad side really fast.

[cactusy]

Pretty good at doing that on my own, Eiffel.

But I'm not talking about revenge. I'm talking about protection.

[littletonoidea]

From what?

[cactusy]

I don't know, the next asshole who decides to come after you? How many times have you been hurt or killed here, total?

[littletonoidea]

Uhhhh.

[He has to think about it for a minute.]

Two deaths, I got Mr Manhatten'd by Makima and headshot by Quill. Two different vampires have almost killed me, on completely separate occasions. A couple of the kids here broke my nose 'cos I insulted Lilo's dead parents. You know about Doc Ock throwing me around. Uhh-- when we all got separated onto the other boats I got my eye gouged out? Oh, and like- everything to do with my old inmate Elias.

I think that's everything?

[cactusy]

Thanks for making my case for me.