IC Inbox

[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

Action | Text | Voice | Video

Comments

[betacuck]

[ His eyebrows are so high they might as well be a part of his hair. ]

He's really got you fooled, holy shit.

Kendall Roy is the least chill person I know, first of all, and second of all, ask him to just start freestyling at you at some point. You'll love it.

[littletonoidea]

Okay- sure thing, pal. I'm really gonna trust your opinion when you open up your inaugural conversation with me to give your brother hell.

[betacuck]

The guy's so anxious he uses coke as a downer. I just think it's important you know how both he and his dick works, vaccuum aside.

Ooh--you should ask him about Rava instead.

[littletonoidea]

Oh- you mean his ex-girlfriend Rava? Yeah, she's come up. No big.

[betacuck]

Uh.

Wife.

Is he lying to you?

[littletonoidea]

If he is, he's only lying about his own beeswax, and not running around playing Two Truths And A Lie to literally anyone who knows him well enough to have an opinion.

[betacuck]

Has anyone told you how dangerously un-fun you are?

[littletonoidea]

What, you think I like being Mister Responsible? My last job was a joke, I'm waaaay more used to being the clown sent in to throw spanners in the works.

[betacuck]

So why are you being Mister Responsible then? You could just let us fuck off.

[ oh god. roman is actually a little bit curious. ]

Your little warden promise something worth it, huh?

[littletonoidea]

Yeah. It is.

[And there's a sense of steel to his voice when he says that. No compromise, no hesitation: he believes that fully and sincerely.

And he's not telling you, Roman, because he's already moving on with his jokey-joke tone.]

But should I really be surprised you think I'm all up my own ass for trying to be a decent person? If you're gonna get someone to stab your bro, Brutus, you're gonna need to put the knife in someone else's hand.

[betacuck]

[ That's fine. Roman's shrug is easy to catch, detached like the rest of him--it's either a joke or it's boring to him, and this is borderline, but he catches how immediate and unflinching Eiffel's 'yeah' is. It's intriguing. ]

Never said you were up in your own ass, just that you weren't fun. [ That means he implied it, though. He shrugs a second time, shoulders bobbing in a nearly comical fashion. ]

If you think joking about my brother is anywhere remotely near the orbit of Shakespearian betrayal, you're gonna be a shit warden for him.

[littletonoidea]

Well, seeing how I've never been in a position of power in my life, as someone who clearly cares just so much about your dear older brother - aren't you glad I'm one of the useless soft ones instead of a hardass commander making him drop and give me twenty?

[betacuck]

Uh, yeah, you can't do that.

[ Can he....? ]

[littletonoidea]

Dude, I have the authority to throw him in solitary for a week with no food and visitors. And I've helped do that before to someone!

[Granted, Hilbert's crimes were way worse than 'died' so he totally deserved it and Eiffel wouldn't be upset to do it again, but he's got no reason to do it to Kendall currently.]

So, d'you really feel like testing that, punk? You feeling lucky?

[betacuck]

Yeah, that's bullshit.

[littletonoidea]

Dude, a crazy Russian scientist tried to blast my commanding officer out of an airlock and gas me so he could keep Frankensteining my disease-riddled ass. You don't even know the kind of shit I can do when I decide I don't like someone, because do you know what we did when we got his ass handcuffed naked to a goddamn pipe?

We destroyed his life's. Work. Everything he had on all of his science bullshit, we destroyed right in front of him.

1/2

[betacuck]

[ Hmmm. This may be something Eiffel both can do and a telling a story he's not lying about. Roman should walk it back. ]

2/2

[betacuck]

Why didn't you just shoot him?

[ Nope. ]

[littletonoidea]

I'm a pacifist.

[Yes unironically.]

Which really just means you should never go against Doug F Eiffel when death is on the line, because I'll do waaaay worse to you than iocane powder!

[betacuck]

[ Eiffel has slid drastically from 'maybe he's legit and will back his shit up' to 'idiot' in two sentences. Any actual intimidation is completely gone at the unironic pacifist comment.

Said with all of the emotion in the world: ]

Wow.