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[littletonoidea]

"This is the audio log of Communications Officer Doug Eiffel of the-- previously of the U.S.S Hephaestus, leave a message and I'll see if I can bear to drag myself away from whatever utterly engaging task I must be doing to not notice my comms--"

BZZZZZZZ

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Strange Appetites breach

[cactusy]

[The Guardian who had done the deed was familiar with Neal the traveling librarian, and Shaw had given him examples of some locations that Neal frequents on his route; presumably, the guy will be able to track Neal down in one of those spots, and give him the letters that Shaw had written. They're folded into each other, Neal's on the outside and Eiffel's on the inside. Each letter is labeled on its outermost fold: Neal on one, and Doug on the other.

Eiffel's had been the harder one to write, because there are so many things she wants to say, but can't: not when the Guardian doing the letter delivery might decide to look through them. The need for self-censorship is perhaps her only real regret in all this, but it is what it is.]

I'm guessing Neal filled you in on the backstory here and I don't need to get into all that. If I'm wrong, stop reading right now, go punch him hard on the arm, and make him talk to you. You guys are all each other has now, and communication is key (obligatory gagging noises go here).

I know you're scared a lot, but I want you to know I've never judged you for that. You're squishy and emotional and annoying, but you make it work. It's like this weird superpower that you have. I think that's why people listen to you, not because they think the movies you retell are cool (spoilers, they're not, you have terrible taste).

I'm not scared at all, so don't worry about that. I'm kind of pissed that I got got, and I really hate that you guys are going to be upset about it, but that's it. I kind of wish I was better at heartfelt stuff so I could say something that might make you feel better, but this is all I have, so I hope hearing that I'm fine helps at least a little. Because I really am.

Take care of each other. Try to pick up a new bodyguard if you can find a good one. And don't do anything stupid, or I'll haunt your ass.

Sameen

P.S. - You were always my favorite. Feel free to hang that over Caffrey's head.

[But she's writing the exact same thing in Neal's letter, ribbing them both from beyond the grave.]

audio

[cactusy]

How are you with guns here in real life?

[littletonoidea]

...and a good morning Vietnam to you too, Shaw.

[audio]

[reformedsinner]

[The evening after his talk with Jedao.]

Eiffel? I'd like to talk to you about something. In person, please.

Re: [audio]

[littletonoidea]

I would love to, man, really, but I'm just- super busy right now with this- thing, really important, can we-- talk about this later? Tomorrow? Never?

[Yeah there's no way Gonou can't tell Eiffel is nervous as heck.]

text; post-flood

[cactusy]

so i know for sure now that i'm not from your crew

sorry about that

Re: text; post-flood

[littletonoidea]

I mean I don't wanna say I told you so but

text, after meeting Sanzo

[reformedsinner]

Are you free for a movie night?

Re: text, after meeting Sanzo

[littletonoidea]

Always, man. Feel like anything in particular?

text; after fun times in Enclosure with Will and Malcolm

[cactusy]

ok if i come by for some ceiling time?

[littletonoidea]

Door's always open, shawgeant.

after the pairing

[nonehousesleftgrief]

Two things: congratulations.

And do you wanna help me put together a party with Natalie?

Re: after the pairing

[littletonoidea]

One, thank you kindly. [Said in a broad Southern drawl because he can.]

And two, absolutely I do, where do you want me and what d'you need me to do?

text;

[betacuck]

I just heard the weirdest thing about you

Re: text;

[littletonoidea]

I assure you, rumours of my sexual conquests were not grossly exaggerated.

audio; during the monster attack

[cactusy]

Check in.

Re: audio; during the monster attack

[littletonoidea]

[The immediate response, as soon as Eiffel hits reply, is the hideous screech of audio feedback, over which Eiffel's shouting in response is unintelligible.]

[betacuck]

you know how you're really good at being a human being

[littletonoidea]

I think that one's going to the jury to decide but yeah, sure.

What's up?

[deuceoftears]

"Hey, pretty," says a beatifically smiling Jedao who has finally found Eiffel - in the lounge, again, but without the danger and mayhem, with a glass of - something. Jedao plops on the couch next to him and leans a little against his shoulder.

"Buy me a drink."

[littletonoidea]

It was whiskey, at some point, but without any proper supervision thanks to the flood it's sort of turned into more of a king's cup. Not that he's mad - the opposite, in fact. It's a perfect plan.

And when Jedao sidles up next to him he beams, hazy but genuine, and throws an arm around his shoulders. It is immediately obvious just how drunk he is, if the smell of his breath didn't give it away first.

"Jedao!" It's more of a cat yowl than a drawl, as he flops on Jedao and practically snuggles into his neck. "You're-- why are you so nice, you're not supposed to be this nice when you're this hot, it's- it's- who--" and he jabs his drink into Jedao's chest, spilling a few drops on his chest. "Who gave you permission to be this hot?"

the day after The Meeting, some time in the afternoon;

[conning]

[It takes him a bit work himself up to it. He feels twelve kinds of guilty to toward three different people but this is important, even if it breaks something. He stood up for Lestat. He can’t do less for Malcolm.

Ring ring ring bananaphone. As soon as Neal hears live air on the other side:]

You need to apologize to my warden.

Re: the day after The Meeting, some time in the afternoon;

[littletonoidea]

[You need to give Eiffel slightly more time than 'none' to process anything, Neal.]

I need to what now?

[Baffled, not offended. Until it actually sinks in.]

Wait, why?

[Now, offended.]

text

[cactusy]

u ok

Re: text

[littletonoidea]

everythings nominal, shawmander. whats up

After the discussion

[transfundere]

Mr. Effel:

I should like to thank you for your part in the discussion the other day. Both in your comments and in your care of Mr. Caffrey.

[littletonoidea]

[...well that's a genuine surprise.]

...you're welcome, doc. Still probably shouldn't have gone thermonuclear on Bright but, uh. I dunno, he just rubs me the wrong way sometimes? That was just. A real big but for me.

[omertae]

How do I get a job on this shitbucket that doesn't suck

[littletonoidea]

I'm your warden, not your case manager.

[Eiffel aren't those the same thing]

whats your current job anyhow

walkietalkie audio; forward-dated a few days

[cactusy]

This is callsign Hammertime hailing callsign Needs-A-Shave. Repeat, callsign Hammertime for callsign Needs-A-Shave; over.

[this is definitely the kind of dorky bullshit you gave her the walkie for, right]

Re: walkietalkie audio; forward-dated a few days

[littletonoidea]

[This is precisely the kind of dorky bullshit he was imagining, and his voice is only barely restrained enough that he's not yelling down the line.]

Copy that Hammertime, this is Needs-a-Shave reading you loud and clear, what's your twenty, over!

text

[cactusy]

i've been trying stupidly hard in ways i definitely wouldn't bother to at home and it sucks. the people i talk to suck and i suck at dealing with them. i need a social detox.

[come do stupid shit with herrrrr]

Re: text

[littletonoidea]

are we talking Atkins style, juice cleanse or full on fasting?

audio, a short time post Hilbertwristgate

[junoit]

[Her breathing is juuuust heavy enough to register on the audio.]

Ei-Eiffel? Can. Can I meet you in your r-room?

I’m sorry. For what-at I said.

Re: audio, a short time post Hilbertwristgate

[littletonoidea]

Door's always open for you, gorgeous. Come on over.

[Mostly Eiffel just sounds very bone-deep exhausted.]

audio; not long after Root arrives

[cactusy]

I'm on my way to your cabin; are you there?

[Usually this is not a question that she asks! She just shows up at his placde, and if he happens to be there too, then so much the better.]

Re: audio; not long after Root arrives

[littletonoidea]

I'll- be there in two shakes?

[Why is she asking what happened???]

audio, late;

[junoit]

[Quietly teasing:] Hey, Officer Eiffel? Can you hear me?

Re: audio, late;

[littletonoidea]

[He hasn't finished setting up any cameras yet, but she'll catch the sound of blankets shifting as he wakes up.]

I hear you, Hera. [He's a bit groggy, still.] What's up?

[tarakan]

[ Point: Officer Eiffel has a habit of getting into trouble.
Addendum: this habit of getting into trouble often involves dying on the Barge.
Point: There was a big mess a few days ago that involved a large explosion and multiple casualties.
Problem: Hilbert has no idea who said casualties are.
Point: Hilbert also hasn't seen nor heard much of Eiffel lately.
Conjecture: there is a high chance Eiffel, once again, was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So Eiffel gets a message where Hilbert is just accepting the fact that he sounds exhausted as hell. ]

Please tell me you were not killed during event in dining hall.

[littletonoidea]

No can do, doc. [His voice sounds garbage, clearly short of breath even a few days later.] You know how bad I am at lying.

text; identical message sent to Neal and Eiffel

[cactusy]

i didn't mean to ask *now* but it kind of slipped out

she said yes obviously

Re: text; identical message sent to Neal and Eiffel

[littletonoidea]

please tell me where you are right now

immediately after waking up

[omertae]

Where the fuck is Gabby

Re: immediately after waking up

[littletonoidea]

[Angelo might hear through the door to his lounge a relieved sigh.]

About goddamn time.

[And the follow-up text comes immediately after.]

I've got him. Welcome back, Aurora.

after Johann's been attacked

[a_titanum]

Good evening, Herr Eiffel,

[ Eiffel's probably heard the voice plenty of times, knows who this is given the soft German accent. All the same- ]

My partner, Johann, was just drugged and then taken to Doktor Hilbert's cabin to be experimented upon and cut open. Given your familiarity with him here and outside of this place, I would like to know if there is anything I should be aware of or concerned about that might have been done to him. Thank you.

Re: after Johann's been attacked

[littletonoidea]

Oh my god. Oh my God.

[It starts as shocked. Then it's immediately annoyed.]

Okay, uhhh-- wait, is Hilbert still there? Crap, I'll call Crozier and get him in on this, he's Hilbert's warden. The doc hasn't gotten any samples off of me or I'd know, so probably he's just... poking the bear and seeing what it's made of? God he's an asshole.

after hilbert's slipup

[nonehousesleftgrief]

Just checking: we're still on the decima train and don't need to derail?

Re: after hilbert's slipup

[littletonoidea]

Full steam ahead, brother. It hasn't killed me yet, and him trying to be clever and using someone else...

Well, it sucked and I feel bad for Johann, but the doc brought it on himself.